because no one gets me like i do
why do we continue loving someone despite being deeply hurt?
I think because we keep holding on to the hope that the person we fell in love with, and all the wonderful things about them, will come back to us. I think that’s why we stay, after the fights, after all the ugliness comes out, after hurt upon hurt. We are hoping and wishing for our loves to come back to us.
Sometimes I feel really shitty about myself but then I remember that there are thousands of people that use a vibrater app on their phone to masturbate with
I always make a mess of things somehow
Do I take what’s already here at my convenience? I can use and abuse at little cost or risk for myself. It’s no life, but it’s easier and I don’t feel a thing anymore.
Or do I work a little harder for something better, but risk getting hurt? Yeah, I could be happier…I’d certainly be treated better, and not just in the beginning…But I’m not sure if being with him is even a feasible option. Things have been strained and awkward already, and I’m no optimist. He doesn’t seem like a dick, but neither did the other ones (even though I was warned about one and I didn’t listen and that was my mistake, I know. That was a special case, and it won’t happen again. Promise).
The other option is to sit around and wait like some pretty little housewife. Wait for a letter, or a phone call…wait for the future. Just wait. Have patience, they say. Good things come to those who wait. Do they? Will he even want me when he gets back?
I don’t for sure know what I want, but I do know what I don’t want. I don’t want to open up my heart and be truly exposed to someone. It’s shitty to live a lie and pretend that you love someone when you don’t, but what choice do I have? Let my guard down? I think you guys know how much I cannot risk getting hurt because of someone else again…
Life is hard, my friends.
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